Big Feelings: Nurturing Emotional Growth
- Taryn van der Westhuizen
- Jun 19
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 14
What Is Co-Regulation—and Why Does It Matter?
Co-regulation is a fancy term for something truly beautiful: grown-ups being the calm in a child’s emotional storm. In those early years (ages 0–5), children need us to guide them through big feelings by offering comfort, structure, and gentle cues.
It’s through these consistent, loving moments—rocking, breathing together, and labeling emotions—that children begin to understand and eventually manage their own feelings.
When we show up as a safe base, we’re not just soothing a meltdown—we’re laying the foundation for self-regulation, confidence, and emotional resilience that will last a lifetime.
Spotting Early Signs of Dysregulation
Children are constantly communicating with us, especially when they’re dysregulated. But unlike adults, they don’t always have the words (yet!)—so they show us through behavior.
Here are some gentle clues a child may need your support:
Big meltdowns over little things
Pushing, hitting, or crashing into things
Clingy one moment, hiding the next
Trouble shifting between play and pack-up
Covering ears or seeking lots of movement
These aren’t “bad” behaviors. They’re signals that a child’s nervous system is saying, “Help! I’m not okay right now.” When we tune in, slow down, and respond with empathy, we show children that their feelings are safe to feel.
Playful Tools & Everyday Routines to Support Emotional Development in Children
The best regulation tools are often the simplest. And when they’re woven into everyday moments—with love and playfulness—they become the rhythm of a safe and connected childhood.
Here are some gentle, grounding ideas to try:
1. Predictable, Playful Routines
Children thrive on knowing what comes next. Morning songs, visual schedules, or tidy-up jingles help make transitions smoother and reduce overwhelm. Predictability builds confidence and a sense of control.
2. Talk About Feelings Often
Name feelings like you name colors. Use books, mirror play, or daily chats: “You look a bit cross. Is it because your block tower fell over? That’s really frustrating.” This helps children understand emotions and know that all feelings are welcome.
3. Create a Calm-Down Kit
A little box of magic—filled with squishy toys, glitter jars, soft fabric, or scented playdough. This kit becomes a go-to when things feel too big. Invite your child to explore it with curiosity.
4. Model Calm (Even When You’re Not Feeling It)
We’re human too! However, trying to stay steady helps your child learn. You might say: “I feel flustered right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath. Want to do it with me?”
5. Set Up a Snuggly Safe Space
Think cozy corner with pillows, fairy lights, a weighted toy, and a soft blanket. This is a space for resting, not punishment. Let your child know it’s their “peace place” to go when they need to feel grounded.
6. Use Stories, Puppets & Play
Books and pretend play are incredible tools for emotional learning. Explore characters who feel grumpy, scared, or silly—and talk about what helped them feel better.
Nurturing Your Child's Emotional Landscape
Understanding that big feelings are part of growing up is vital. Children navigate a world full of new experiences daily, and they need support in making sense of their emotions.
Empathy is a powerful tool. By showing understanding and patience, you teach your child that it's okay to express emotions. This sets the stage for healthy emotional development.
Final Thoughts from Our Hearts to Yours
Emotional regulation doesn’t happen overnight—it grows over time through love, presence, and lots of do-overs. And the beautiful truth? Every co-regulation moment is a step toward independence.
At Nurtured Growth Therapy, we’re here to walk beside you, celebrating the messy, magical journey of helping little ones feel safe in their big emotions. If you’d like more personalized ideas for your child, feel free to reach out. We’re always happy to help.
Helpful Resources for Parents: Explore & Support Big Feelings
We’ve gathered some beautiful, evidence-informed resources to help you support your little one’s emotional development with confidence and care. Click to explore each one.
Parenting Support & Gentle Guidance
Janet Lansbury – Respectful Parenting Blog
- Thoughtful advice on responding to big behaviors with calm, connection, and respect.
Dr. Laura Markham – Aha! Parenting
- Evidence-based strategies with a warm, emotionally attuned voice. Especially great for toddlers and preschoolers.
Books to Read with Your Child
“The Color Monster” by Anna Llenas - A playful picture book to explore different emotions through colors.
“When Sophie Gets Angry—Really, Really Angry…” by Molly Bang - A relatable story about strong feelings and calming strategies.
“How Do You Feel?” by Anthony Browne - A gentle, visual introduction to everyday emotions.
Co-Regulation & Emotional Development
Harvard Center on the Developing Child – “Serve and Return”
- Explains how responsive relationships support brain development in early childhood.
Raising Children Network (Australia) – “Helping Your Child Learn to Regulate Emotions”
- Search: "emotion regulation" or "co-regulation" – trusted, practical tips for parents at every age.
ZERO TO THREE – “Tips on Helping Your Child Develop Self-Control”
- Great overview of co-regulation for under-5s with gentle, simple strategies.
